(suddenly, without passing through another mirror door, the Acolytes find themselves in a bedroom on a strange planet)
GM:
You're in a bedroom, by the way.
Stig:
In a bedroom. How many beds?
GM:
One large. However, not enough for three people.
(a beat)
Atellus:
(sing-sang) Awkward...(Stig has found a strange object sitting on a desk in the house they appeared in)
GM:
This is the closest thing resembling a religious symbol you can find.
GM:
Basically, this is really the only remarkable Hinstellchen in the whole thing.
Stig:
The only remarkable what?
GM:
The only remarkable Hinstellchen.
Stig:
I didn't even know this word in German!
GM:
Me neither. I just made it up.
Stig:
So, let me get this straight. We're playing in English and you just made up a German word to have no translation for it?
GM:
Yes.
Atellus:
To explain something that you didn't know in English.
GM:
Yes. I also don't know how to express it in German, but Hinstellchen was the closest thing that came to mind.
Nihilus:
Acessoir.
Stig:
No, Hinstellchen is a very good word.
Nihilus:
Don't encourage him.(the Acolytes - in their alien bodies - have walked down into the living room of the house they found themselves in and met a stange-looking woman)
(intranscribable) -
MP3 (528 KB)(the acolytes have just left the house)
(also pretty much intranscribable) -
MP3 (616 KB)
(the acolytes have just found out that the planet they're on might be the subject of an Exterminatus pretty soon)
Nihilus: Well, not to sound pessimist or something but - how sure are we that if our loaned bodies die we return in our ghost form?
Nihilus: And how sure are we that if there's an intervention of one of the Ruinous Powers, our ghost forms aren't up for the banquet?
Stig:
(sighs) The thing is this:
Stig: I'm actually pretty sure we would in our current state be able to survive an Exterminator.
Stig: I'm also pretty sure in our current state we would not be able to survive an intervention of a Ruinous Power.
Stig: And third, you're forgetting the obvious again: there has not been a mirror door.
Atellus: Did it occur to you that maybe we can fail these things?
Stig: Well of course we can fail, we have been told that we can.
(after a lengthy exposition by Stig)
Stig: Well, then we're on the same page, aren't we?
Nihilus: We're not even writing in the same language.
Stig: You can't even write.
Nihilus: Touché.
(Stig has a theory about the city)
Stig: What is the city made of?
Nihilus:
(as Silon) Judging from what we could see...some and some local alloy I guess...
Stig: Wroooong.
Stig: People! The city's made of people.
Nihilus: Some cities are, though not the ones you would likely be glad to visit.
Stig:
(exasperated) I'm not referring to that they are actually made of people, but they-
Nihilus: Funny, I heard you just say that.
(back on the ship, Atellus - Lord Captain - has ordered Deck 4 sealed off after there was some unusual activity there)
Stig:
(on the middle of the bridge) OR you could send a scouting party to immediately return when they see what happened there?
Atellus: My idea of "to contain" is to send a party
around deck 4 to report if anything tries to come out.
(a beat)
Stig: So, Lord Captain, if I get you correctly, you're not planning to do anything about the bombs planted on the inner hull of deck 4, is that correct?
Nihilus:
Do we actually get a morale overlay for the bridge that is just dropping as the captain and first officer are bickering?(Nihilus and Stig have just made their way to deck 4, just to find themselves back on the planet)
Stig: You know, I actually really enjoy this place a lot more than up there.
Stig: I hate alarms, you know?
Atellus: So, what did you see on deck 4?
Stig: Darkness!
Nihilus: As of now - nothing. But if we get back - actually, you're the captain. You
could order the friggin alarms shut off.
Nihilus: I mean, everyone should've noticed by now that not everything's well.
Atellus: That's actually a good point.
(shortly thereafter)
Stig: Now that we have some time, there's a very important question:
Stig: If
everyone knows that the main power is down - why don't they go down and look for it?
(a beat)
Atellus: So, I ordered the three frigates that were already with us...
(completely ignoring Stig)(Atellus is updating the rest of the group on what happened on the bridge while they were on their way to deck 4)
Atellus: Also, some guy told me that is was time to activate the module.
Atellus: So I said yes and then he looked confused at me and then I gave him the thing we got from the safe.
Atellus: And then he said if it's okay to use it and I said yes and then he activated it in some...sort of...way...
Stig: Huh.
(a beat)
GM:
That has got to be the ultimate statement of incompetence.(a wee bit later)
Stig: So, you activated the module.
Atellus: Yes.
Stig: What kind of module?
Atellus: I have not even the slightest of ideas.
(a beat)
Atellus: I assume it's important.
Atellus: The guy looked at me as if it was important.
(same topic, after about another ten minutes of discussion)
Nihilus: General rule of thumb: devices that need to be unlocked by a key that the captain has to get from a safe - not generally used to making Recaf.
(discussing while all the Xenos on the planet seem awfully calm in the face of imminent destruction)
Nihilus: They all seem to be lacking any sense of imminent danger...
Atellus: Yes, well, maybe there's two reasons for that.
Atellus: Three.
Atellus: They don't have any sense of imminent danger.
Stig: Yes. Second?
Atellus: They believe there is no imminent danger.
Stig: How so?
Atellus: Because they believe that there is some sort of plan B.
Stig: Yes? Three?
Atellus: There actually is a plan B.
Stig: No.
(the acolytes have just found a group of Ni'ku - basically squirrels with psychic abilities)
Stig: Oh look, it's a psyker squirrel!
Atellus: What.
Nihilus: Come again?
Stig: It's a psyker squirrel!
Atellus: What.
Nihilus: Okay, I got you the first time - that doesn't mean I understood what you said.
Stig: Well, it's a squirrel that draws power from the immaterium and changes reality with it.
Nihilus: Okay. So there's an animal which could-
Stig: Oh, two more psyker squirrels!
Nihilus: Great. So there are three animals which could probably set people on fire.
Stig: Nah. Setting people on fire would be a bit less for them. More like, those could probably burn the forest down.
(a beat)
Nihilus: I'm trying my best to cooperate...but sometimes I really, really hate you!
Stig:
(in an unnaturally calm, happy, sing-sang voice) Well, it's just that we probably don't want them as our enemies.
Stig: But they're adorable squirrels.
Stig: Now it's five of them.
(Stig continues to analyze the Ni'ku's powers)
Stig: Umm...one thing though...it's...telepathic...
Stig: Uh, yeah, don't be afraid of them...it's more like...an easy trick, but...they probably can do something like that...
Atellus:
(bored) Why would I be afraid of a squirrel?
Stig: Well, because they make you? Duh?
Atellus: Let's just keep walking?
Nihilus: Okay, enough of the petting zoo.
Stig: Oh oh oh, and they can probably make you go mental.
Nihilus: Great. So they have absolutely no hold over you.
(the acolytes have found a large, black, completely sealed ziggurat that absorbes all psychic powers directed at it)
Stig: This is strange.
Nihilus: What is strange?
Stig: There's a sponge in there.
(a good ten seconds of silence)
Nihilus:
(knocking on the wall) Doesn't feel very spongy.
Stig: Well, I said it's
in there.
Stig: And it's not a real sponge. Why would there be-
Stig: Who would build a ziggurat with a sponge in it?!
Nihilus: No one in their right mind.
Nihilus: So, did you lately build any ziggurats with a sponge in it?
(the beginning of a new play session)
Stig:
Oh yeah, right, exactly. So - now comes the part where we kill ourselves?
GM:
No.
(the music changes)
Stig:
Ah, yes. The nice alien planet.
Atellus:
Let's go get a massage.
GM:
And our-
(a beat)
GM:
WHAT?!(Stig and Nihilus and a group of crewmen are fighting a group of guys in an ammunitions storage bay)
Stig:
(ordering some crewmen) Take cover!
Stig:
Second of all - let's talk ammunition.
Stig:
What kind of ammunition?
GM:
Charge packs, stuff like that...
Stig:
In theory, what would happen if I shot at a charge pack with, say, a lasgun?
GM:
Well, the correct question in this case would rather be: in theory, what would happen if you shot at one of these
charge packs, which are directly in contact with a lot of other charge packs.
GM:
And the answer to this is that you might very likely blow a hole in your ship.
Stig:
However, this would also mean if this guy with his - it was an energy weapon right? - if he missed...
GM:
Yeah.
Stig:
(shouting) On second thought - don't take cover!
Nihilus:
(silently) What a brilliant leader of men...(back on the planet)
Stig: So, who else is curious what that thing
(referring to the ziggurat) is?
(a moment of silence)
Atellus:
(bored) Me.
Stig: Excellent. I was fearing for a second that nobody would say anything.
Stig: So, how do we find it?
Atellus: We look for an important-looking building.
Nihilus: Use your impressive people skills and charm it out of someone...
Stig: Yeah but who?
Atellus: A little kid.
Atellus: No, don't do that!
Stig: I wasn't intending to.
Nihilus: That's a first...
(the acolytes have found The Most Impressive Building Around)
Stig: So we need to find out a way to find out.
Nihilus: Go in there. Ask. If your standing's not high enough you can reconsider.
(Stig ponders this for a moment)
Stig: Okay.
(he walks towards the entrance of the building)
Atellus: And don't start talking about soup!
Stig: How else am I supposed to start a conversation?!
Nihilus: In
any other way.
ANY!(back onboard the ship, combat is over and Stig has no idea where they are)
Stig:
(to a crewman) Accompany me to the bridge!
Crewman: Yes, sir!
(nobody moves for a few seconds)
Stig:
I wait for them to lead on...(Stig - in the XO's body - and Nihilus enter the bridge, Stig trying to move in a "hardened officer performance")
Nihilus:
(walking up to him and saluting him, in his ear) You move like you're constipated. Stop that!
Stig:
(laughing, half-loudly) It's okay, it's okay.
(Stig does a salute-ish gesture towards the captain)
Atellus: Everett
(Stig's alter ego), good to see you alive.
Stig: It was only a fleshwound.
Nihilus:
(just groans)(the acolytes have alomost reached the planet)
Atellus: We will approach and fire on my command. Take them by surprise!
Officer: Yes, sir!
(the acolytes shift back to the planet's surface, Atellus and Nihilus sitting on a bench, Nihilus' eyes closed)
Nihilus:
(opening on eye towards Nihilus) Did we just order a nova strike on a cruiser in orbit of the planet we're on?
Atellus: Yes...
Nihilus: We had better ideas...
(a beat)
Atellus: Well, I don't know when I'll get to use on of these things again...
Nihilus: Fair point.
(Stig explains what he found inside the temple)
Stig: There are these...crystals, yes?
Stig: And it turns out - if you focus on them a bit, energy pours out.
Atellus: I hope you mean if
you focus.
Stig:
(cheerfully) I'm pretty sure it would work with you as well!
Atellus:
(thoroughly unimpressed) Let's not find out.
Stig: Let's not find out!
(on their way to the ziggurat, the acolytes meet the Ni'ku for a second time)
Nihilus:
Throw something at them?
Atellus:
Like? A bio-lightning?
(a beat)
Atellus:
Which is just regular lightning but costs three euros more...(after looking around the ziggurat for a while)
Nihilus: Well, let's hurry up with staring at an impenetrable black wall, because any second now we'll be back in orbit launching stuff at alien ships.
(after Stig has been talking to the boy in the crowd again)
Stig:
(to his fellow acolytes) Well, uhm...
Stig: Turns out, I know where "they"
(referring to a group possibly trying to save the Adranti) are.
Nihilus: Excellent! Do we also know who "they" are?
Stig: No of course not.
Atellus: Where are they?
Stig: Not on this planet.
Atellus: Well, then you don't know where they are, you just know where they are not.
Stig:
(cheerfully) Correct!
(a little later)
Stig: So, uhhh...we have about...
(he takes a Ni'ku from his shoulder and looks at it)
Stig: Thirty...minutes left, tops? Forty-five perhaps?
Nihilus:
(exasperated) That thing is not a pocket watch!
Nihilus: Please stop pretending it is one.
(behind a mirror door, the acolytes find a beautiful mansion on top of a cliff - and they are again incorporeal)
Nihilus:
(being himself, hopeful) Maybe it send us here to destroy that house because something evil happened there?
Stig: Perhaps you would like to try with these pebbles there?
Nihilus: What?
Stig: Oh come on, just throw them at the window!
Nihilus: Go hug Horus.
(inside the mansion, the acolytes have met Niema (a.k.a. Quiana)...fifty years in the past and in her Adranti form)
Stig:
(after some lengthy explanations) Good to see you're keeping up!
Niema: I'm really not.
Nihilus: I can't blame you...
Stig:
(ignoring them) So, basically, if you just accept for a moment that we were there...
Stig: For the sake of the argument let's assume we were in our current form, although we were not...
Atellus: What?!
(the acolytes's story has come to a screeching halt while talking about the underground city as Nihilus (Silon) has a thought)
Nihilus: You said something interesting.
Nihilus: These crystals your people used allow the channeling of power?
Niema: Yes.
Nihilus: So - judging from what you said about the abilities of your people: you could, for example I've seen psykers do it, take some kind of telekinetic push and project it through a crystal like that?
Niema: Yes.
Nihilus: The larger the crystal, the more energy can pass through the crystal, right?
(silence)
Stig: Oh! I totally get what you're getting at!
Nihilus: Yeah, you know the thing I'm not supposed to know anything about?
(the Tyrant Star)
Stig: Absolutely correct!
Atellus: What was the thing he's not supposed to know anything about again?
Nihilus: Should I go over there again?
Stig: Nonononono.
Stig:
(to Atellus) The thing he was not supposed to know anything about because it is terrible top secret?
Atellus: Riiiight.
Stig: Riiiiight.
Stig:
And the cities are channeling power.
(a beat)
Atellus: I don't understand this warp stuff. I won't argue with you.
Niema:
What are you talking about? What is terribly top secret?
Stig: We obviously can't tell you-
Niema: I'm obviously gonna risk my life in about fifty years trying to help you!
Nihilus:
(in a sing-sang voice) She's got you there.
Niema:
Even though your kind wiped out my people two and a half millenia ago!
Atellus: Well, you-
Stig: Yeah yeah, but-
Niema: So you
might wanna start showing some trust. Or I might reconsider the whole helping you thing!
Atellus: Well, you don't really have a choice because we can't change-
(Stig silences him with a look)
Niema: Well, I'm willing to find out if you really can't.
Niema: Are you?
Stig:
(clearing his throat) It's not like there's a big deal about it, because she will find out anyway.
Atellus: But!
(pointing at Nihilus / Silon)
(a beat)
Atellus:
(to Nihilus / Silon) Cover your ears and start humming!
(soon after)
Stig: Now, okay, so, uh...I just have to put it in a way that you will understand but he won't.
Nihilus: Oh, this is gonna be hilarious.
(to that end, Stig starts speaking in fluent Adranti)
Stig (in Adranti): So, can you understand this, guys?
Niema (in Adranti): Yes, of course.
Stig (in Adranti): Good! Problem solved.
Niema (in Adranti): Where did you learn to speak Adranti?
Stig (in Adranti):
(casually) Oh, I picked it up when your kind was wiped out.
(after some awkward silence)
Niema (in Adranti): You're not a very sensitive person, are you?
Stig (in Adranti): Why not? Did I say anything wrong?
Niema (in Adranti): My kind was wiped out!
Stig (in Adranti):
(confused) Yes, but I thought we established that already.
Niema (in Adranti): Do you have to reinforce it about every thirty seconds?
Stig (in Adranti):
(totally genuine) Oh, it's bothering you. Then I won't mention it again.
Niema (in Adranti):
Thank you!
Nihilus: Is it just me, or does she look rather pissed right now?
Atellus: Well, since he is using a language that we don't speak, we can't actually jump in and explain things in a reasonable fashion...
(Nihilus / Silon has left, and Stig is explaining stuff about the Tyrant Star)
Stig: I don't know, it could be Haarlock or it could be the Tyrant Star...
Stig: It
could also be that those two are actually one and the same...
Niema: Haarlock...is a star?
Stig: Yeah I didn't...figure that out...exactly. It is one working hypothesis. But it's not a very good one.
Niema: I see...
Stig:
(excited) You should see my desk!
Atellus:
(annoyed / bored) None of us ever has and there's a good reason for that...
Stig: Yeah but why don't you
read my notes? There's much wisdom to gain from them!
(Atellus just looks at Stig in an "are you fucking kidding me" kind of way)
(a while later, after Nihilus has reverted to himself and left the scene because Atellus and Stig are apparently xenos collaborators)
Stig:
(to Atellus) By the way - while we are talking - could you already devise a scheme which will not bring us to burn at the stake because he's totally overreacting?
Atellus: Like when he's telling somebody that we were talking to her?
(referring to Niema)
Niema: Why would you burn at the stake for that?
(a beat)
Niema: Oh. Right.
Niema: Xenophobic biggots.
(Nihilus, avoiding the "xenos collaborators", has marched off into the jungle and taken up radio silence)
Atellus: Nihilus?
(no answer)
Atellus:
(coaxing) Silon?
(still silence)
Atellus: Silon Cain?
Nihilus: I'm
not Silon Cain!
(Stig and Atellus are still busy attempting to persuade Nihilus - as himself - to get back to the house via vox)
Atellus: Get back to the house right now. This is an order!
Nihilus:
(switching back to Silon) I told you before - I don't take any of these.
Nihilus: And a short time before, you couldn't even get rid of me fast enough.
Atellus: Anyway, get back to the house. I don't care. A second ago you were Nihilus.
Atellus: And he was being...
Atellus + Stig:
(unisono) Nihilus.
(a beat)
Nihilus: I see. The monkey was drawn to the jungle...
(rehashing the Scintilla mirror door and the black crystal they found with Stig's body)
Stig: The point is - in all that happened, when I died, I had one of those with me.
Stig: So, why would I take one of those before dying? Because I died trying to undoom.
Stig: That's what I generally do.
Atellus: I know why.
Stig: To consume...
Atellus: The big-ass crystal in the city.
Stig: The big-ass crystal in the city because it were originally oh...crap.
(theorizing about connections between the crystal shards)
Atellus:
(to Stig) Can't you just use one of the small crystals to punch through to the big crystal?
Stig: To do what?
Atellus: Destroy it?
(Stig ponders this for a moment)
Stig: I could probably...make some pretty light there?
(still talking to Niema)
Atellus: Is your father and your brothers...are they of equal or greater power than you are?
Niema: Most definitely.
Stig:
(excited) Oh! Them! Ha!
Them!
Niema: What?
Stig:
They are finding you! Yes!
(a beat)
Stig: Oh, I'm very sorry. That was insensitive again, wasn't it?
(Stig is recounting their way to the underground city)
Stig: That's a bit complicated, because...
Stig: There is a field of ruins. Underneath - I suppose, because there's actually a teleporting device that brings you down to tunnels.
Stig: Then you will encounter a forcefield, which we were not able to get through.
Stig:
Behind the forcefield...
(a little later, still on the same topic)
Nihilus: Two crucial points: the crystal to activate the teleporter and the bloody key to deactivate the forcefield.
Stig: No, it was not the key to deactivate the forcefield but to explode everything around it.
Atellus: He has a point...
Stig: Yeah, but you're probably more familiar with the technology, so this shouldn't be a problem at all-
Niema: I'm not at all.
(a beat)
Stig: Shush.
(at the end of the conversation)
Niema: I didn't get your names...
Stig: Correct.
Atellus:
(bored) He doesn't like talking about his name. I don't know his name. We call him Nuts.
(behind another mirror door, the acolytes have been invited to a fancy dinner at the House of Ravion)
Stig: I see there are
at least three different glasses.
Stig: I don't know if that's a flower pot or a glass.
Stig: Which one is the first again? I know you told me repeatedly, but it's just so unimportant I keep forgetting it.
Atellus:
(sighs) It's always outermost to innermost.
Stig: With the glasses. And is that a flower pot or is it a glass?
Atellus: No, that is a flower pot. You can see by the flower being in there.
Stig: Yeah, it could have also been decoration.
Atellus: In a drinking glass.
Stig: You know these...umbrellas...
Stig: Why not a flower?
Atellus:
(burying his head in his hands) I could think of a couple of reasons...
(the subject of Stig's name is discussed once again, this time at the dinner table)
Atellus: They have this thing where they don't tell each other their names because it's supposed to be dangerous. I don't really know, but...
Magnatius Ravion: Ah, I see.
Stig: That's not quite the truth, actually...
Stig: There
are tribes who can't even follow that simple rule - they basically go around like you guys and tell everyone their name.
Stig: And...well, you know what happens during the rain season.
Stig: Enough said.
(stunned silence)
(the acolytes are for dinner at the House of Ravion - for the second time, at least from their perspective)
Atellus: Okay, so let me just come clean here.
Atellus: There are my colleagues from the Imperial Inquisition.
Magnatius Ravion: You work for the Inquisition?
Atellus: Yes. That's why I haven't really been keeping in touch because I was rather...busy...
Magnatius Ravion: How'd you end up there?
Atellus: Well-
Stig:
(interrupting) Oh Lord-Captain, please!
Atellus:
(bone-dry) Yeah, also I have a spaceship.
(silence)
(discussing what to do next, knowing that Piety - the planet they're on - will probably be destroyed in a couple of days...or hours)
Nihilus:
(as Silon) So, get us a passage off-planet I guess.
Nihilus: Also, maybe you want to visit an astropath and tell...I heard you have a ship...your ship where you are?
Stig: Aw great! I want to see his
(referring to XO Zephyr) face!
Stig: "Basically, there's a planet going to be destroyed and we need you to pick us up here."
Stig: Classic.
(discussing what to do next...still)
Stig: What I mean is that we should expect something unexpected.
Stig: Because four days is a lot.
Atellus: Yes.
Nihilus: So you're saying we should basically assume anything can happen because we don't know the future.
Nihilus:
(annoyed) And that is different from your normal life
how?
(Atellus just smiles at Stig)
Stig: No, I'm pointing out that we are indeed in a situation that is probably very similar to what we already would have been in.
(a beat)
Atellus: Well, I don't think hypothesizing will help us.
Nihilus: I agree.
Stig: It always does!
Nihilus: I disagree.
(the acolytes have made their way to the Shadow Palace, local headquarters of the Inqusition on Piety)
Nihilus: Funny, aside from the entrance control you could assume you just stumbled into an administratum building.
Stig: We were in one of these.
Stig: It was horrible.
Nihilus: Isn't it always?
Stig: I had to grow additional legs to pass the stairs...
(the acolytes have been led into a morgue with a bunch of dead bodies from Tarshik district)
GM:
Two things. Maybe three with a psyniscience test easier by ten...
Stig:
Ninety-one!
Nihilus:
(makes a buzzer sound)
Atellus:
Why do we even bother to take you with us?
Stig:
I don't know.
Stig:
I really don't know.(at the inquisitional hq, Atellus gets the chance to send a message to the Cù Sìth - which reads as follows)
Hey, XO Lucius Zephyr.
I know you haven't heard from me in quite a while, but there's actually a tiny little favor I need you to do.
Hope you're still on Mara. Well, I kind of need you at Piety. Which might or might not explode by 705816.M41.
We probably have another ship that can get us off planet. Should for any reason Piety be unavailable, we'll meet on Lo.
(in the Tarshik district, the acolytes are investigating the burnt-down Enforcer station)
Stig: You know what I ask myself?
Stig: That was not even a day ago.
Atellus: Yes.
Stig: Why is it of absolutely no interest to the inhabitants?
Atellus:
(referring to the communiqué they got) Because of some kind of weird drug? That causes apathy?
(a beat)
Nihilus:
(bored) I don't care.
(deciding what to do next)
Atellus: So we should get to the manufactorum and look out for the cloaked enemys with advanced weapons.
Nihilus: Yes, because I want an advanced weapon and the cloak.
(Stig is "questioning" some random dude on the streets of Tarshik)
Stig: Greetings!
Citizen:
(yawns) Huh? Yes?
Stig: This manufactorum here, uh, I'm new, I'm a tourist. You know. This manufactorum here-
Citizen: Tourist?
Stig: Yeah, that...seems pretty interesting. What does it-
Citizen:
(sleepy) Why on terra would a tourist come to Tarshik?
Stig: Well, it's a nice place, isn't it?
Citizen: This has got to be the most boring district ever, anywhere.
Stig: Yes, I have noticed that. And it's known for that in the entire sector.
Stig: And I wanted to see it with my own eyes. It is indeed
very boring.
Stig: So, could we get to the manufactorum please?
(Atellus pushes Stig aside)
Atellus: Since when has it been boring?
Citizen: Can't remember a time when it wasn't boring.
Atellus:
(slightly disappointed) Alright...
(Stig pushes Atellus aside)
Stig: Now, back to the manufactorum!
Atellus: We have a map.
Stig: Yeah, but what does it
do?
Stig: Not the map, the manufactorum. I'm sorry if that caused any confusion.
Citizen: The manufactorum?
Stig: Yes. What does it
produce?
Citizen:
(shrugs) I don't know.
Stig: You live here!
Citizen: The manufactoum hasn't produced anything for...like...thirty years or something...
Stig:
So it doesn't produce
anything! Why didn't you say so?
Citizen: I thought I just did...
Nihilus:
(whispering to Atellus) If you let me blow something up, I promise not to do it again. I will all blame it on him.
Stig:
(referring to the manufactorum) So, um, yes. Not producing anything and you don't know what it produced before?
Citizen: Yes, pretty much...
Stig: How
very boring! Thank you.
(he grabs his hand and shakes it)
Stig: Very boring indeed. Stay boring!
(the citizen just turns and leaves)
(a few seconds later)
Stig:
I can't even blame him.
GM:
Stig. Scaring random citizens since 815.M41.(Stig is interviewing another random passenger)
Stig: So, um, yeah, follow-up, last question.
Stig: Why did you lie to me?
Scab: Lie to you?
Stig: Yeah, you rubbed your nose. People always do this when they're lying.
Scab: They do?
Stig: Believe me, I know people.
Stig: So - who is doing the drug abuse? It's your sister, isn't it?
Scab: I don't have a sister.
Stig: So it's your brother?
Scab: I don't have a brother either.
Stig:
(accusingly) Your son.
Stig: No no no, your wife!
Scab: I don't have a wife.
(a beat)
Stig: Do you have a mother?
Scab:
(confused) Yes of course I do.
Stig: Just checking.
(a beat)
Atellus: For goodness' sake,
he's doing the drugs, and everyone that's as tired as him probably is true.
Atellus: So the entire district.
Stig:
(to Scab, astounded) You're doing drugs?!
(the acolytes have found a strange injector which the GM is attempting to explain)
GM:
An auto-injector with three vials...three dosages of something that is contained in a non-translucent metallic...shell, basically.
(confused silence)
GM:
So basically...think one of (these things) that go into the injector, but instead of the usual transparent exterior it's basically silverish metal.
Stig:
It's a Sprühsahnecontainer!
GM:
It's a Sprühsahnecontainer.(Stig has set up a drug deal to gather more information...but they only possess three vials of the drug)
Atellus: We should keep an eye on (the location) and if it's not too many, then we go there and ask them if they know anything about the sellers or...
Stig: Please keep in mind that they will probably be outraged by the unavailability of drugs.
Atellus: Yeah, that's when we throw in the three vials we found and run.
Stig: No...I think you want to treat them as...for further study?
Atellus: Okay, so we just watch the non-sale and after that we go to the presumed lab.
(the acolytes reach a window that offers a clear view of the proposed trade location - and there's about 100-200 people there)
Atellus: Damnit.
Stig: How unfortunate.
Nihilus:
Do I still have the rocket launcher with the special RPGs?(the acolytes are still looking on)
Stig: Okay, so...that's quite a few...
Stig: For one hour notice...
Atellus: Yes...
Atellus: That's also our cue not to go in there...
Stig: Correct.
(the acolytes have arrived at the lab in question, Atellus is reporting via vox)
Atellus: And there's some kind of blueish liquid on the floor...
Stig: What kind of liquid?
Atellus: It's blueish.
(a beat)
Stig: Fair enough.
(the acolytes have opened up one if the injector vials and found a liquid that contains some tiny black crystals)
Atellus: You know some apothecary stuff, right? Can you find out if the substance actually has any druglike qualities or if the druglike effect comes from these crystals?
Stig: Of course I can find that out!
Stig: Just give me a few days and a lab.
Atellus:
(just sighs)(after two random citizens have dropped dead in front of the acolytes trying to remember what they did last night)
Nihilus:
(as Silon Cain) You're extremely squeamish for someone in your line of work.
Stig: I just don't like violence.
Nihilus: That's what squeamish means...
(meta conversation)
Atellus: Well, he's OCD-ish, I'm an OCD-eity.
(the acolytes are taking a public train out of the Tarshik district while riots and destruction are going on outside)
Atellus:
(muttering under his voice to a newly-reverted Nihilus) We're on our way back to the Shadow Palace.
Atellus: You weren't there...well, you were there, but Silon was-
Nihilus:
(shouting) I'm NOT Silon Cain!
(there's an explosion outside and the window of the train gets splattered with blood)
Nihilus:
(cheerfully) Oh look, pretty!
(Atellus is still briefing Nihilus on what happened in the meantime)
Atellus:
(under his breath) We talked to a nice woman named - and do not repeat that because we can be overheard - named Lana Raven. And she-
Nihilus: Did she croak?
Atellus: No.
(in an old, abandoned mining town, the acolytes have found an active cogitator)
Atellus:
Is the cogitator running?
GM:
Yes.
Nihilus:
Then you better catch it...(the acolytes have thrown a rock down into the shaft to figure out how deep it is)
(intranscribable) -
MP3 (561 KB)(the acolytes are debating how to use the crane to descend down the shaft)
Stig: First of all, we could both sit on the chair
(attached to the crane) with Silver here activating the crane and then climbing the probably 20 centimetres that the cable has lowered in that time so he can join us.
Stig: OR I activate the crane and do exactly that.
Stig: OR one of us climbs or walks and activates the crane beforehand.
Stig: OR we all sit on the crane and I push the button from here.
Stig: There are
numerous possibilities!
(the acolytes have reached the bottom of the pit)
Atellus:
I look for the exit.
Atellus:
If it's just a seven hundred metre deep pit with nothing else then I will start killing people.
Nihilus:
Welcome to the pit. Now you're stuck in the pit.(on the topic of what they're up against)
Nihilus:
(as Silon Cain) They're cultist, aren't they not? You're the Inquisition.
Stig: We don't even know if they're cultists.
Atellus: We don't know anything except that there were some strange drugs, a portal and advanced weaponry and cloaking.
Nihilus: I though you said you had dealings with these before?
Atellus: The Serrated Query?
Stig: Yes, they were indeed cultists. If they...uh...
(Stig trails off)
Nihilus: Okay, I thought your information about them was a bit more extensive.
Atellus: No. We mostly know that they're called the Serrated Query.
Stig: That's about it.
Nihilus: Impressive.
(Stig is decrypting a - now-infamous - password...without telling anyone how or even what he's doing)
(intranscribable) -
MP3 (618 KB)(inside a secret underground bunker, Atellus and Stig attempt to hide from the incoming footsteps...well, their source, that is)
Stig:
Is it a ladies' or a men's lavatory?
GM:
There is one for each, on each side of the corridor.
Atellus:
I go towards the male...
Stig:
How do they sound? Heavier or lighter?
Atellus:
In the Grim Darkness of the 41st millenium, WOMEN ARE NOT WEARING HIGH HEELS!(Nihilus - as Silon Cain - has gone off into the complex somewhere)
Atellus:
(voxing him) By the way...where did you go?
(no response)
Atellus: Silon?
Stig: He's probably Silver again and ignoring you...
Atellus: No no no - if I address him as Silon he would've already been screaming at me that he is not Silon Cain.
Stig: That is true.
(Atellus confronts Nihilus/Silon about running off)
Atellus: What were you doing in here?
Nihilus: To be frank, I don't really know. I just felt it was somehow important.
Nihilus: Maybe I could've known, but unfortunately someone though I'd need another personality where (formerly) my grasp of written language was.
(in combat)
Atellus:
I aim and shoot.
GM:
With what?
Atellus:
With the already-years-ago-drawn Mark II Solo Boltgun Perinetus Pattern!
Stig:
You remember? Him standing on the toilet?
GM:
Oh, you didn't put it away? Alright.
(a beat)
GM:
That sounded just wrong.(the acolytes have just found out that they have about two hours to save Piety instead of four days due to a time-dilation effect)
Stig: So...it seems that we've been here for...twenty-four to thirty hours now...
Stig: Which is a bit unfortunate...
Atellus: Yes.
(silence, until...)
Nihilus: Hey boss, look, I'm doing a butterfly!
(sitting in a puddle of blood and guts and making handprints in it)(on the subject of drugs)
Stig: Stim doesn't have that many side-effects...
Nihilus: You ever seen a Stim addict?
Stig: Yes of course!
Stig: Very nice people!
Stig: If they aren't...by any chance...low on Stim...
(after Stig and Nihilus/Silon have been bickering again for a couplee of minutes in the face of imminent destruction)
Atellus:
STOP IT! Right now!
Atellus: You
(to Nihilus), activate the panel!
Atellus: You
(to Stig), stop your shenanigans!
Atellus: And STOP FIGHTING!
Atellus: We don't have time for any of this bullshit!
Atellus: So just CUT IT OUT and get it on!
Stig:
(to Atellus) Shush. As always, I have a plan.
(talking about what happened before)
Stig:
...until the Tyrant Star hits the planet and some evil warpish creature stretches out its tentacles...
Nihilus:
You got that wrong. The Tyrant Star doesn't hit planets. It hovers around a planet and says "Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?".(during combat, a large bat-like daemon has appeared and is rapidly approaching the acolytes)
Stig:
(to his comrades, during combat) I don't know the new one...
Stig: But it can fly!
(stunned silence)
Atellus:
Duh!(the acolytes have made their way to the bossfight on top of a gigantic tower - and found a Presumably Evil Adranti Guy on a control panel on the other side of the tower)
Atellus:
(shouting at the top of his lungs) Stop it! Everyone will die!
Nihilus:
(to Atellus) Don't you think that's his intention?
Adranti Guy:
(shouting back) Don't be ridiculous! Why would I want anyone to die?
(long pause)
Atellus:
(quietly) You don't?
(still shouting across the top of the tower)
Adranti Guy: What does this have to do with Erasmus Haarlock?
Stig: Seriously?
Stig: You built all this and did not ever stop to read the freakin' prophecy?!
Atellus:
Oh, I was suspecting he was referencing his notes...(Haarlock has just reappeared out of the Tyrant Star drop)
GM:
Anyway - Atellus, what do you do?
Nihilus:
I have a second ques-
Atellus: HAARLOCK! YOU FIEND! YOU WILL -NOT- PREVAIL!
Atellus:
Aim and shoot.(after Haarlock has been defeated, Silon reverts to Nihilus for good...unfortunately, he has no idea what happened during the last hour as a faultline and lots of lava are rapidly expanding towards the tower)
Stig:
(talking really fast) Faultline! Lava!
Stig: Also: big daemon!
(pointing towards one of the pylons about to produce another daemon)
(a beat)
Nihilus: Huh?
Stig: We are 300 metres up on a tower which is gonna collapse in a minute.
Stig: Also, there's a Tyrant Star...
(Nihilus looks up)
Stig: ...don't look up.
(a beat, before Nihilus starts running towards the edge of the tower, ready to hurl himself down)
Stig: Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait!
Nihilus: But...faultline! Lava! Tower!
Stig: Yes! There's an elevator and...something to climb...ish.
Nihilus: Faultline!
(a beat)
Nihilus: What's a faultline?
Stig: Uh...what?
Nihilus: What's a faultline?
Stig: Uh, well, basically...it's a great...gap...with lava in it...which trembles...and makes towers collapse.
(a beat)
Nihilus: WHY ARE WE STILL ON THE TOWER?
Stig: Well...we had to defeat Haarlock...
(Nihilus looks at him dumbfounded)
Stig: Oh, yeah, we defeated Haarlock.
Stig: You defeated Haarlock.
Nihilus: I didn't!
Stig: Yes, you did.
Stig: No, Silon did.
Nihilus: I'M NOT SILON CAIN!!!
(the acolytes have figured out a way to safety...unfortunately, it's about half a kilometre away and the faultline is moving towards them)
Atellus: Okay, let's go then. Go go go!
Stig: Okay, we have to be faster than the fault!
Nihilus: Your fault?
Stig: No.
(he points behind himself at the massive faultline approaching)
Stig: THIS fault!